Sometimes I honestly feel like I can't breathe.
Spent yesterday dealing with Josh's migraine.. Took him to urgent care for help because it was so bad..
It wouldn't be so scary if he hadn't had brain surgery in 2009.
In '09, he lost feeling in his hands and feet. I was 5 months pregnant with Kadyn when they did a scan of his brain, and determined that he had chiari malformation.. I was 26.5 weeks pregnant when they operated on him. It was one of the scariest days of my life.. I've been scared of something going wrong ever since.. I have so much to lose..
Sometimes I don't think I can handle it all...
PTSD, anxiety, brain issues...
On top of having 2 children, its a lot to deal with..
I need to do something for myself..
I need to find an outlet..
I don't have family or friends here.. Most of the friends I have in general, suck....
Maybe counseling again?
They always tell me "connect with your creative side.. use it as stress relief.."
Ya know, that might work.. IF I didn't have 2 kids who never freaking sleep.. One of them is CONSTANTLY needing me.. I need to figure something out...
I feel like I'm gonna explode.. Not good..
BTW, I dont think anybody reads this.. but IF so.. and you feel the need to talk about me... complain about me.. express concern, whatever.. DO NOT go to my family about me.. DO NOT.. Its cowardly.. I have ABSOLUTELY no respect for anybody who does that... You can contact ME.. I had somebody go to my sister about an issue recently.. Not only did it create issues within the family (I no longer want to talk to my sister.. last straw kinda thing.. ).. It just pissed me off.. My sister is probably the worst person to come to anyways.. Yes, we're civil.. I only do that for my mom... She has never cared and she barely knows me.. Be an adult and talk to me about any issue that you have with ME..
Thanks
I'm still here!!! And yes, I think an outlet sounds like an amazing idea!!!! What kind of creative stuff are you into? I've started buckling down on the bedtime routine so I can have Mommy time. I enjoy sewing, and lately I'm trying to take it to a new level... one where I can maybe make a little extra income for our family. I think i'd have resorted back to old and very bad habits if I didn't have my creative outlet. Between my husband and child's medical stuff and getting another kid ready for school in two weeks, as well as life and struggling to get by each day, I can't breathe some days either. I have these moments where I start to feel panicked and my chest gets tight...
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